You said that intellectually you understand how being able to “surrender” or “let go” could help you deal with feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment, but emotionally you don’t feel capable.

You may find the book Letting Go, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, to be helpful. It continues to be a source of practical wisdom for me and many people I know.

More than anything, keep up the great work and be kind to yourself as you go. Your curiosity and the desire you have to learn, grow and understand yourself are truly wonderful.