Over the past couple years I’ve completely shifted how I work with my own difficult (i.e., “negative”) emotions.

Until recently, I never questioned anyone when they labelled feelings like anger, guilt and depression as “bad”. I thought that if what I really wanted was to be happy, then I should do anything and everything to make myself feel better.

But I didn’t always know what was required to remedy the situation, and even if I made some progress, it always seemed temporary. When I was living in Toronto, for example, I tried so many things to overcome my feelings of depression and guilt. Sometimes I’d think I found the solution, coming out of a funk for a few days or weeks, only to crash back down and be utterly stuck.

The strategy, most simply put, has always been to “fix” or “change” myself. These difficult emotions were demonized and avoided at all costs.

What I am learning through my research, self-experimentation and coaching is that these difficult emotions are, in fact, gifts.

Instead of fighting them off, if we can experience them more fully—without judgement or wanting them to change or any condition whatsoever—we stand to learn so much about ourselves. This is the path to greater peace of mind, too.

I’m noticing there are emotional themes that seem to run throughout my entire life—fear, guilt and depression or apathy are the staples for me.

My experiences with these emotions range in intensity, of course, and the external circumstances that seem to cause them are varied. But I am more aware than I have ever been of how familiar the “tone” (I’m struggling to find the right word for that) is of each emotion.

I’m practicing sitting with these emotions whenever they arise. Letting them “do their thing”, so to speak, without imposing my agenda in any way, shape or form.

Combined with journalling and meditation, this practice has created an incredible shift in my life.

I’m seeing the same thing happen for coaching clients of mine. This new way of looking at difficult emotions is teaching us to embrace personal responsibilty and is empowering us to respond more consciously to every aspect of our lives.

I’m 9 weeks into The Presence Process, which has been one of the great influences of this shift in my perspective. I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to explore these ideas more for themselves.

Ed Blunderfield @iamedwardmjb