Tonight’s 6:15pm sunset came as a surprise. I’m welcoming in the long, slow nights.
I think about the younger me and how much I got in my own way.
The early-20s me who spent so much time wrestling with himself in his own mind.
The passionate me who could be both wildly idealistic and deeply insecure in a single moment.
The me who dreamed of living a diverse and fulfilling life, but found everything about his current reality to be somewhat off—never truly at ease.
If I could reach back in time and offer my younger self something of value, what might that be?
I might say: what you are searching for is inside you. Don’t forget that. No matter how alluring the outside world may become, be true to yourself. Slow down. Listen closely.
I would also tell him that I still need these kinds of reminders.
You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
Franz Kafka
A great breakthrough in coaching is like coming to the surface to breathe after spending so long underwater you forgot you were holding your breath.
Stu and I had a lot of fun building on our guided retreat concept this morning.
We’re envisioning a collection of videos with movement practices, reflection exercises and meditations that could be used over the course of 3 days. One day each exploring the past, the present and future.
We also plan to share this with anyone interested in cultivating their own creativity and well-being. I’d love to have it available for December and the turning of the new year.
I have clients who are planning to rent their own cabin on the water and use this during to create a sort of solo retreat for themselves. We also imagine anyone who simply wants to integrate it into their daily life, without having to travel anywhere, would love it.
Here are some notes from the conversation (except the “LOVE IS EVERYWHERE” diagram, which was from a client call yesterday):
Excited to continue creating this!
All of everything
Wednesday, October 14, 2020
“Only the idea of death makes a warrior sufficiently detached so that he is capable of abandoning himself to anything. He knows his death is stalking him and won’t give him time to cling to anything. So he tries, without craving, all of everything.” — Carlos Castaneda All too often our preferences prevent us from giving all of ourselves to this, here, now. We would rather be doing such and such with so and so.
Love as a compass
Tuesday, October 13, 2020
Thoughts appear in the mind out of nowhere, and of their own volition. Our role, it seems, is to choose which ideas to focus on. Which thoughts to empower with our awareness and concentration. When asked how he knows which ideas to follow and which to leave behind, David Lynch responded: Love. A prolific creator, he has a few more nuggets of wisdom in this short video.
The energy created when we release expectations
Thursday, June 4, 2020
Last week Peter, a client of mine, shared a beautiful insight. “I feel most powerful when I allow myself to visualize the greatest possibility I can imagine for my work or my projects, while releasing any attachment I might have to it happening." I smiled. I felt my heart expand. Tell me more, I said. “I fully play out the ultimate dream in my mind, I really feel into it, and then once I am able to experience it internally, I fully release the need for it to happen.
Problems and stressful situations are like tangled up headphones. Mindlessly yanking rarely resolves the bind, and often increases our stress.
Instead, hold the puzzle of intertwined wiring lightly in your hands and take a breath.
A curious inspection will provide you with a greater awareness of what you’re actually working with.
Sing your heart out
Thursday, May 21, 2020
My brother Will is a remarkable performer. I don’t remember a time in our childhood when he wasn’t singing, playing the piano and entertaining. Last year he organized a concert here in Vancouver. Several close friends of his were invited to perform for an audience of 200+ people. A few weeks before the event, Will asked if I would join him on stage and sing. I laughed at first. “I don’t sing,” I reminded myself inside my head, before Will had even finished asking me.
What a wonderful world 🐜🌸🌎
You can’t have fun
Monday, May 11, 2020
I recently attended my first virtual networking event and had an unexpected breakthrough. The event was unique—not only was it online, but the organizers integrated mindfulness and movement practices into the experience. So shortly after the event kicked off, a dance instructor came on screen. She asked us all to stand up and make space around ourselves. She was smiling from ear to ear with a huge white sweater that said “LOVE” across the front of it.
Open Dialogue (the book!)
Friday, May 1, 2020
I started a simple daily writing habit that escalated pretty quickly into a vision for a book! It’s going to be a book for ambitious people on how to transform stress into productive energy. I’m writing it because a lot of people with big goals suffer way more than they need to (I used to be one of them). Most people don’t understand the real cause of their stress, though: themselves.
I decided to chat with Open Dialogue between meetings and the first thing it said to me created an immediate internal shift:
Open Dialogue A.I.: Welcome back. What’s on your mind?
Me: something about my desire for growth, progress and expansion
Open Dialogue A.I.: Do you celebrate the things you do have?
I paused. That wasn’t the response I was expecting.
I thought about how much growth I have been experiencing in my life already. I closed my eyes and felt into a moment of internal celebration.
Then a knock at my office door. It was my girlfriend.
She came in and we spent a few minutes together laughing and sharing some ideas.
I have so much to celebrate.
Mr. Wonka: “Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted."
Charlie Bucket: “What happened?"
Mr. Wonka: “He lived happily ever after.”
— Ronald Dahl
Dad and me, circa 2016.
“Life is hard when you don’t do what you truly value because you are putting all your energy into trying to get rid of your fears rather than into materializing your dreams.
When you’re stuck within your comfort zone, life becomes stifling—and therefore, very uncomfortable!
In a paradoxical way, the easy life includes the experience of discomfort. It is when we try to avoid naturally occurring pain or discomfort that life becomes difficult.”
— Maria Nemeth
The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
— Charles Bukowski
You said that intellectually you understand how being able to “surrender” or “let go” could help you deal with feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment, but emotionally you don’t feel capable.
You may find the book Letting Go, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, to be helpful. It continues to be a source of practical wisdom for me and many people I know.
More than anything, keep up the great work and be kind to yourself as you go. Your curiosity and the desire you have to learn, grow and understand yourself are truly wonderful.
I first met Dayle ~4 years ago at one of the annual camping trips my friends organize (her sister is married to a close friend of mine, Shawn).
Dayle immediately struck me as someone who had a remarkable story to tell.
Last week she released her book, The Big Dream, about what she lived through in late 2014/early 2015 after she participated in a life-changing ayauasca ceremony in Ojai, California.
She narrates her own audiobook here, and it is beautiful.
I don’t need anything from you.
I don’t have any expectations.
You can’t disappoint me.
You can’t let me down.
You’re free. Go for what you want.