Author Robert Wright shared this conversation he had with his first medtiation teacher in his book “Why Buddhism is True.”
Teacher: So you notice that your mind keeps wandering?
Wright: Yes.
T: That’s good.
W: It’s good that my mind keeps wandering?
T: No. It’s good that you notice that your mind keeps wandering.
W: But it happens, like, all the time.
T: That’s even better. It means you’re noticing a lot.
Matthew, Mom and me. Circa 1992.
“Don’t be miserly with your strengths, with your intelligence, and with your creativity. Look for outlets. Look for challenges. Find out what makes you feel most alive and figure out some way to earn your living doing it.” — Nathaniel Branden
“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” — G.K. Chesterton
Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day and I published this personal reflection on social media to encourage a more open dialogue about the topics of mental health and emotional wellbeing.
There have been so many times in the past where I felt stuck and didn’t reach out for help. I didn’t know who to go to. Oftentimes I wasn’t even clear on what my problem was. I didn’t know what I needed.
That uncertainty led me to worry that there might not be a solution. Or worse, that I’d eventually open up and uncover something really ugly and upsetting that I didn’t know was inside me.
Both outcomes seemed too embarrassing and too exhausting to fathom. Both were based on the assumption that there was something seriously wrong with me.
What I have discovered through my own personal experience, though, is that talking to someone about what we are being challenged by can be transformational. It can save us years of time spent spinning our wheels, and can help us uncover a path forward so that we can channel our energy more naturally and productively.
I remember when I was living in Toronto in 2013, I was going through a really hard time emotionally. When I finally started to open up about it, I was amazed by how much of the pressure and tension and anxiety just dissolved. I was left with some interesting emotional patterns and core beliefs that I was able to work with and make sense of.
It’s #BellLetsTalk day today and I invite you to reach out to me if you’d like someone to connect with.
We can all bring a bit more consciousness, empathy and patience to our conversations today. Reach out and ask for a listening ear, and do your best to hold space for others who may choose to reach out to you.
Finally, here is an article I wrote on Generous Listening that you might find useful, today and beyond.
Stay curious,
Ed
To what extent does being so focused on “why” things are the way they are prevent us from simply witnessing what is?
Asking “why” often leads us to seek out other minds (through media, experts and other leaders) whose perspectives we may consider and subscribe to. It also can become a compulsive pattern of thought that clouds our mind.
What might placing our awareness on what we are experiencing do for our understanding of the nature of things?
I’m experimenting, alongside a client of mine, a week of noting and letting go of some of our “why” and “how” questions to see what emerges in the space of “what.”
This past weekend was the 6th annual SauderIRL (a day-long life skills seminar I help lead for senior students at my former business school) The students were deeply engaged, and some of the conversations that I had were moving.
One student approached me at the end and offered me this laminated picture that he keeps in his wallet. It’s the profile of a man as he ages from his ~30s to ~80s. He said he keeps multple copies in different places throughout his house, and uses it as an aid for making wise choices.
This, and the open-hearted, curious intentions of many of the students on Saturday was a gift for me. I felt that I could share my story and perspectives openly and without judgement. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Before I even start, I want to thank you. Thank you for choosing to read this. Contemplating the following ideas with an open mind and heart is a practice in self-discovery and an investment in your personal growth. Living into these ideas can have a radical impact on your life—your career, your relationships, your health, your self-concept. One of my intentions is to encourage people to search inside themselves for greater understanding of their most important challenges, questions and curiosities.
Wednesday, November 20, 2019 →
Last Thursday I was moved while coaching a young woman (let’s call her Jamie). Jamie was referred to me because she was experiencing a burnout.
She’s a salesperson, and despite being a top performer for the first two years at her company, her numbers began to fall unexpectedly last January.
She was visibly upset at the beginning of our call—after months of mounting stress and frustration, she was ready to throw in the towel with her employer and start searching for a new career.
Because of her dissatisfaction with work (a source of self-worth), she was finding it difficult to focus on other aspects of life. She no longer enjoyed camping trips with friends, her meditation and yoga practices, and her passion for writing.
20 minutes into our coaching conversation, an insight began to emerge.
We first discovered that although she was feeling increasingly exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful towards her job, the amount of work itself had not changed in any significant way since January.
She then saw an energetic “downward spiral” at play. The more disenfranchised she became with her work, the less engaged she was, which limited her ability to get results on the job, which caused her to stress and reinforced her belief that she should seek a new career path.
We dug deeper and uncovered the root of Jamie’s issue—a deep longing to live and work more creatively.
This past year she had unconsciously ignored creative urges (such as experimenting more with creative writing and deepening her yoga practice through advanced training). Together we uncovered several limiting beliefs that had led her to de-prioritize those most joyful pursuits.
Seeing this, she began to liberate herself from her own self-imposed prison sentence.
When we first got on our call, she had felt trapped and reactive to her circumstances at work. By the end, she was able to see her situation with more objectivity and equanimity. From this point of view, Jamie began to see a much larger range of options for how she could move forward.
She felt she had choice. She started to envision a path forward that didn’t require an abrupt exit from her company. Instead, she saw how her current job could support her while she dives wholeheartedly into writing the next chapter in her career.
Jamie was moved through our conversation, and so was I. I left our call elated and in awe of the magic that is created between two people in coaching.
✨
There are always more creative possibilities for us to discover.
Remember this, especially when you feel stuck. An inspiring path forward is just around the corner if you’re willing to be moved.
If you’re interested in having a powerful coaching conversation with me, I reserve a handful of slots in my calendar to offer this experience for people who are curious. Email me to learn more.
Take a breath.
Slow down for a moment.
Chances are you’re racing, rushing, going too fast.
You’re going to miss it.
You’re going to miss what’s real.
This present moment ✨
“Yeah, yeah,” you say, “but I’ve got to get my ___ (money, travel, achievement).”
But where will you be when you finally get it?
Chances are you’ll be racing off towards the next thing.
I love running in the rain and getting completely drenched. Today I got my fix when I was out running with Mike Rebak.
The catalyst was Mike’s commitment to run 3.2KM every day in November. He’s raising funds and awareness for Movember, with a specific focus on mental health.
I felt invigorated throughout most of the run, and I think he did, too. We made it nearly 6KM from our starting point before turning back.
The other day Mike (a self-proclaimed “couch potato” before starting this campaign) spontaneously ran a half marathon.
He has a lot to say on the topic of mental health—he’s disappointed and frustrated with the state of the healthcare system where we live. And he’s dedicated to making a difference.
I doubt many people will see this post, but if you’re interested in supporting Movember and Mike’s cause, here is a link to the donations page 😊
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 →
Can’t wait to dive into this tonight.
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 →
This past week I led two workshops at Arc’teryx, an iconic company founded here in Vancouver.
The goal of these workshops was to help their leaders cultivate the essential skills of coaching.
So what did I ask 100+ passionate leaders and aspiring coaches to do?
Listen.
Just Listen.
In fact, I asked everyone to find a partner, and for two minutes one of the two partners would share their greatest challenge at work.
During those two minutes, the other partner was asked to listen, without talking at all. Even if there was a moment of silence. Even if the speaker seemed stuck. The listener’s purpose was to hold space and listen generously.
The feedback after the workshop was unanimous—being listened to without interruption (nor being given any advice) was a gift.
I share all this as a simple invitation to bring more awareness to how you are listening in the most important relationships in your life.
What’s being said that you’re not hearing?
I did an exercise over the weekend where I had to come up with 100 questions that fascinated me most. I love questions because they can open up entirely new perspectives for us.
The first 10 were easy to generate, the next 20 little bit less so, but I kept digging and digging and digging until I finally came up with 100.
The last step was to sift through these 100 questions and choose the 10 most important ones—the ones that I want to orient my life around.
The 10 questions that fascinate me the most right now are:
Over the past couple years I’ve completely shifted how I work with my own difficult (i.e., “negative”) emotions.
Until recently, I never questioned anyone when they labelled feelings like anger, guilt and depression as “bad”. I thought that if what I really wanted was to be happy, then I should do anything and everything to make myself feel better.
But I didn’t always know what was required to remedy the situation, and even if I made some progress, it always seemed temporary. When I was living in Toronto, for example, I tried so many things to overcome my feelings of depression and guilt. Sometimes I’d think I found the solution, coming out of a funk for a few days or weeks, only to crash back down and be utterly stuck.
The strategy, most simply put, has always been to “fix” or “change” myself. These difficult emotions were demonized and avoided at all costs.
What I am learning through my research, self-experimentation and coaching is that these difficult emotions are, in fact, gifts.
Instead of fighting them off, if we can experience them more fully—without judgement or wanting them to change or any condition whatsoever—we stand to learn so much about ourselves. This is the path to greater peace of mind, too.
I’m noticing there are emotional themes that seem to run throughout my entire life—fear, guilt and depression or apathy are the staples for me.
My experiences with these emotions range in intensity, of course, and the external circumstances that seem to cause them are varied. But I am more aware than I have ever been of how familiar the “tone” (I’m struggling to find the right word for that) is of each emotion.
I’m practicing sitting with these emotions whenever they arise. Letting them “do their thing”, so to speak, without imposing my agenda in any way, shape or form.
Combined with journalling and meditation, this practice has created an incredible shift in my life.
I’m seeing the same thing happen for coaching clients of mine. This new way of looking at difficult emotions is teaching us to embrace personal responsibilty and is empowering us to respond more consciously to every aspect of our lives.
I’m 9 weeks into The Presence Process, which has been one of the great influences of this shift in my perspective. I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to explore these ideas more for themselves.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
I want to be more intentional about how I approach my own personal growth. By taking more time to contemplate and document my efforts to learn and grow (i.e., meditation, self reflection, books, videos, courses, coaching, life experiences) I believe I can extract greater and more lasting insights. I hope to be able to make an even greater contribution to others, as well. And so I’ll be sharing as many of my questions and insights here going forward.
Some beautiful moments from the past few months
I spent this past weekend in deep contemplation. Sandie is travelling for work (in Mexico), so I had the place to myself. I used a series of questions and prompts from Leo Gura to dig deeper and deeper into what is most important to me in life.
Here is what I currently value most in life:
Slow Down #minfulness #meditation