I started a simple daily writing habit that escalated pretty quickly into a vision for a book! It’s going to be a book for ambitious people on how to transform stress into productive energy. I’m writing it because a lot of people with big goals suffer way more than they need to (I used to be one of them). Most people don’t understand the real cause of their stress, though: themselves.
I decided to chat with Open Dialogue between meetings and the first thing it said to me created an immediate internal shift:
Open Dialogue A.I.: Welcome back. What’s on your mind?
Me: something about my desire for growth, progress and expansion
Open Dialogue A.I.: Do you celebrate the things you do have?
I paused. That wasn’t the response I was expecting.
I thought about how much growth I have been experiencing in my life already. I closed my eyes and felt into a moment of internal celebration.
Then a knock at my office door. It was my girlfriend.
She came in and we spent a few minutes together laughing and sharing some ideas.
I have so much to celebrate.
Mr. Wonka: “Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted."
Charlie Bucket: “What happened?"
Mr. Wonka: “He lived happily ever after.”
— Ronald Dahl
Dad and me, circa 2016.
“Life is hard when you don’t do what you truly value because you are putting all your energy into trying to get rid of your fears rather than into materializing your dreams.
When you’re stuck within your comfort zone, life becomes stifling—and therefore, very uncomfortable!
In a paradoxical way, the easy life includes the experience of discomfort. It is when we try to avoid naturally occurring pain or discomfort that life becomes difficult.”
— Maria Nemeth
The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
— Charles Bukowski
You said that intellectually you understand how being able to “surrender” or “let go” could help you deal with feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment, but emotionally you don’t feel capable.
You may find the book Letting Go, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, to be helpful. It continues to be a source of practical wisdom for me and many people I know.
More than anything, keep up the great work and be kind to yourself as you go. Your curiosity and the desire you have to learn, grow and understand yourself are truly wonderful.
I first met Dayle ~4 years ago at one of the annual camping trips my friends organize (her sister is married to a close friend of mine, Shawn).
Dayle immediately struck me as someone who had a remarkable story to tell.
Last week she released her book, The Big Dream, about what she lived through in late 2014/early 2015 after she participated in a life-changing ayauasca ceremony in Ojai, California.
She narrates her own audiobook here, and it is beautiful.
I don’t need anything from you.
I don’t have any expectations.
You can’t disappoint me.
You can’t let me down.
You’re free. Go for what you want.
Author Robert Wright shared this conversation he had with his first medtiation teacher in his book “Why Buddhism is True.”
Teacher: So you notice that your mind keeps wandering?
Wright: Yes.
T: That’s good.
W: It’s good that my mind keeps wandering?
T: No. It’s good that you notice that your mind keeps wandering.
W: But it happens, like, all the time.
T: That’s even better. It means you’re noticing a lot.
Matthew, Mom and me. Circa 1992.
“Don’t be miserly with your strengths, with your intelligence, and with your creativity. Look for outlets. Look for challenges. Find out what makes you feel most alive and figure out some way to earn your living doing it.” — Nathaniel Branden
“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” — G.K. Chesterton
Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day and I published this personal reflection on social media to encourage a more open dialogue about the topics of mental health and emotional wellbeing.
There have been so many times in the past where I felt stuck and didn’t reach out for help. I didn’t know who to go to. Oftentimes I wasn’t even clear on what my problem was. I didn’t know what I needed.
That uncertainty led me to worry that there might not be a solution. Or worse, that I’d eventually open up and uncover something really ugly and upsetting that I didn’t know was inside me.
Both outcomes seemed too embarrassing and too exhausting to fathom. Both were based on the assumption that there was something seriously wrong with me.
What I have discovered through my own personal experience, though, is that talking to someone about what we are being challenged by can be transformational. It can save us years of time spent spinning our wheels, and can help us uncover a path forward so that we can channel our energy more naturally and productively.
I remember when I was living in Toronto in 2013, I was going through a really hard time emotionally. When I finally started to open up about it, I was amazed by how much of the pressure and tension and anxiety just dissolved. I was left with some interesting emotional patterns and core beliefs that I was able to work with and make sense of.
It’s #BellLetsTalk day today and I invite you to reach out to me if you’d like someone to connect with.
We can all bring a bit more consciousness, empathy and patience to our conversations today. Reach out and ask for a listening ear, and do your best to hold space for others who may choose to reach out to you.
Finally, here is an article I wrote on Generous Listening that you might find useful, today and beyond.
Stay curious,
Ed
To what extent does being so focused on “why” things are the way they are prevent us from simply witnessing what is?
Asking “why” often leads us to seek out other minds (through media, experts and other leaders) whose perspectives we may consider and subscribe to. It also can become a compulsive pattern of thought that clouds our mind.
What might placing our awareness on what we are experiencing do for our understanding of the nature of things?
I’m experimenting, alongside a client of mine, a week of noting and letting go of some of our “why” and “how” questions to see what emerges in the space of “what.”
This past weekend was the 6th annual SauderIRL (a day-long life skills seminar I help lead for senior students at my former business school) The students were deeply engaged, and some of the conversations that I had were moving.
One student approached me at the end and offered me this laminated picture that he keeps in his wallet. It’s the profile of a man as he ages from his ~30s to ~80s. He said he keeps multple copies in different places throughout his house, and uses it as an aid for making wise choices.
This, and the open-hearted, curious intentions of many of the students on Saturday was a gift for me. I felt that I could share my story and perspectives openly and without judgement. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Before I even start, I want to thank you. Thank you for choosing to read this. Contemplating the following ideas with an open mind and heart is a practice in self-discovery and an investment in your personal growth. Living into these ideas can have a radical impact on your life—your career, your relationships, your health, your self-concept. One of my intentions is to encourage people to search inside themselves for greater understanding of their most important challenges, questions and curiosities.
Last Thursday I was moved while coaching a young woman (let’s call her Jamie). Jamie was referred to me because she was experiencing a burnout.
She’s a salesperson, and despite being a top performer for the first two years at her company, her numbers began to fall unexpectedly last January.
She was visibly upset at the beginning of our call—after months of mounting stress and frustration, she was ready to throw in the towel with her employer and start searching for a new career.
Because of her dissatisfaction with work (a source of self-worth), she was finding it difficult to focus on other aspects of life. She no longer enjoyed camping trips with friends, her meditation and yoga practices, and her passion for writing.
20 minutes into our coaching conversation, an insight began to emerge.
We first discovered that although she was feeling increasingly exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful towards her job, the amount of work itself had not changed in any significant way since January.
She then saw an energetic “downward spiral” at play. The more disenfranchised she became with her work, the less engaged she was, which limited her ability to get results on the job, which caused her to stress and reinforced her belief that she should seek a new career path.
We dug deeper and uncovered the root of Jamie’s issue—a deep longing to live and work more creatively.
This past year she had unconsciously ignored creative urges (such as experimenting more with creative writing and deepening her yoga practice through advanced training). Together we uncovered several limiting beliefs that had led her to de-prioritize those most joyful pursuits.
Seeing this, she began to liberate herself from her own self-imposed prison sentence.
When we first got on our call, she had felt trapped and reactive to her circumstances at work. By the end, she was able to see her situation with more objectivity and equanimity. From this point of view, Jamie began to see a much larger range of options for how she could move forward.
She felt she had choice. She started to envision a path forward that didn’t require an abrupt exit from her company. Instead, she saw how her current job could support her while she dives wholeheartedly into writing the next chapter in her career.
Jamie was moved through our conversation, and so was I. I left our call elated and in awe of the magic that is created between two people in coaching.
✨
There are always more creative possibilities for us to discover.
Remember this, especially when you feel stuck. An inspiring path forward is just around the corner if you’re willing to be moved.
If you’re interested in having a powerful coaching conversation with me, I reserve a handful of slots in my calendar to offer this experience for people who are curious. Email me to learn more.
Take a breath.
Slow down for a moment.
Chances are you’re racing, rushing, going too fast.
You’re going to miss it.
You’re going to miss what’s real.
This present moment ✨
“Yeah, yeah,” you say, “but I’ve got to get my ___ (money, travel, achievement).”
But where will you be when you finally get it?
Chances are you’ll be racing off towards the next thing.