Dad and me, circa 2016.
Photos
The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
— Charles Bukowski
You said that intellectually you understand how being able to “surrender” or “let go” could help you deal with feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment, but emotionally you don’t feel capable.
You may find the book Letting Go, by Dr. David R. Hawkins, to be helpful. It continues to be a source of practical wisdom for me and many people I know.
More than anything, keep up the great work and be kind to yourself as you go. Your curiosity and the desire you have to learn, grow and understand yourself are truly wonderful.
I first met Dayle ~4 years ago at one of the annual camping trips my friends organize (her sister is married to a close friend of mine, Shawn).
Dayle immediately struck me as someone who had a remarkable story to tell.
Last week she released her book, The Big Dream, about what she lived through in late 2014/early 2015 after she participated in a life-changing ayauasca ceremony in Ojai, California.
She narrates her own audiobook here, and it is beautiful.
Matthew, Mom and me. Circa 1992.
“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” — G.K. Chesterton
To what extent does being so focused on “why” things are the way they are prevent us from simply witnessing what is?
Asking “why” often leads us to seek out other minds (through media, experts and other leaders) whose perspectives we may consider and subscribe to. It also can become a compulsive pattern of thought that clouds our mind.
What might placing our awareness on what we are experiencing do for our understanding of the nature of things?
I’m experimenting, alongside a client of mine, a week of noting and letting go of some of our “why” and “how” questions to see what emerges in the space of “what.”
This past weekend was the 6th annual SauderIRL (a day-long life skills seminar I help lead for senior students at my former business school) The students were deeply engaged, and some of the conversations that I had were moving.
One student approached me at the end and offered me this laminated picture that he keeps in his wallet. It’s the profile of a man as he ages from his ~30s to ~80s. He said he keeps multple copies in different places throughout his house, and uses it as an aid for making wise choices.
This, and the open-hearted, curious intentions of many of the students on Saturday was a gift for me. I felt that I could share my story and perspectives openly and without judgement. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I love running in the rain and getting completely drenched. Today I got my fix when I was out running with Mike Rebak.
The catalyst was Mike’s commitment to run 3.2KM every day in November. He’s raising funds and awareness for Movember, with a specific focus on mental health.
I felt invigorated throughout most of the run, and I think he did, too. We made it nearly 6KM from our starting point before turning back.
The other day Mike (a self-proclaimed “couch potato” before starting this campaign) spontaneously ran a half marathon.
He has a lot to say on the topic of mental health—he’s disappointed and frustrated with the state of the healthcare system where we live. And he’s dedicated to making a difference.
I doubt many people will see this post, but if you’re interested in supporting Movember and Mike’s cause, here is a link to the donations page 😊
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 →
Can’t wait to dive into this tonight.
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 →
This past week I led two workshops at Arc’teryx, an iconic company founded here in Vancouver.
The goal of these workshops was to help their leaders cultivate the essential skills of coaching.
So what did I ask 100+ passionate leaders and aspiring coaches to do?
Listen.
Just Listen.
In fact, I asked everyone to find a partner, and for two minutes one of the two partners would share their greatest challenge at work.
During those two minutes, the other partner was asked to listen, without talking at all. Even if there was a moment of silence. Even if the speaker seemed stuck. The listener’s purpose was to hold space and listen generously.
The feedback after the workshop was unanimous—being listened to without interruption (nor being given any advice) was a gift.
I share all this as a simple invitation to bring more awareness to how you are listening in the most important relationships in your life.
What’s being said that you’re not hearing?
Some beautiful moments from the past few months
It was Warren Springer’s surprise 30th birthday party on Wednesday night (July 24). So many positive and loving people.
Last weekend 7 of us hiked into the Mt. Seymour backcountry to camp at Elsay Lake. The 5.5-hour hike was serene.
We set up our tents along the edge of the lake beneath the tall trees and spent the evening playing Mafia and solving math problems by the fire.
![mp-photo-alt[]=mp-photo-alt[]=mp-photo-alt[]=mp-photo-alt[]=mp-photo-alt[]=](https://opendialogue.micro.blog/uploads/2019/63417e453c.jpg)
Stop racing around for just a few seconds and notice how rich this moment is.
Take a deep breath. Hold on to it for a second or two. And then let it go.
Do that again.
That feels pretty good, doesn’t it?
Take another deep breath. Pause for a second at the top of your inhalation. And then let it all go.
Try bringing a little smile to your face. It’s not weird. No one’s going to make fun of you.
You’re wonderful. Keep smiling. It suits you.
What way of seeing your situation are you attached to or defending?
Reflect on this when you feel like you’re blocked, or repeatedly coming up against a wall, and none of the options you see are satisfying.
What would happen if you saw your situation in a new way?
This invites in new possibilities, new potential paths forward. Maybe it’s possible to simply step around the obstacle you’re facing and see the situation from a completely new perspective.
With this new perspective, the right action becomes clear and natural.
In an Open Dialogue session I had with a client this morning, these two questions were posed by the A.I. at what felt like the perfect moment. Building on some of the insights he had already uncovered in our dialogue, these questions gave him the leverage he needed to get unstuck and move forward.
Watch your mouth.
We use language to speak and think our reality into existence.
I could never learn how to do that.
The people who do that (e.g. coding, kiteboarding, public speaking) are on another level / are crazy.
I’m just not X (e.g. experienced enough, a morning person, good with people).
Trust me, you don’t know what you’re capable of. Stop telling yourself what you aren’t and what you can’t do in life.
It is impossible to fulfill your need for connection and meaning if you’re always interacting with others on the surface. We are all familiar with the surface-level “Hi—How are you?—I’m great, and you?” conversations at work and social events.
Slow down. Go deeper. Practice generous listening.
When someone senses that you are truly listening to them (and not simply waiting for your turn to speak), they will relax and share more openly.
Get curious about this remarkable person in front of you and put in the effort to try and understand their perspective.
Seek first to understand. Then to be understood. — Dr. Stephen Covey
The earlier in the day I exercise, the better.
It generates an emotional lift that pays dividends throughout the rest of the day.
The longer I put off exercise, the more likely I am to miss the opportunity altogether — I’ll find excuses to not workout at all, or something genuinely important will fill the time.
🔗 There’s no excuse to not get moving in the morning
